A glorious weekend. Not only (but mostly) because I spent it with my lovely children, (sans husband who is in South Korea for a week for work) but because we went away to some hot springs for some serious soaking and much needed down time. No house, no chores, no playdates, just us. My daughter, Lily, was invited to a sleepover at this hot springs/hotel here in gorgeous Montana, which is an 80 or so mile drive from our town. After a hectic sending off of my beloved husband, (who is so very missed already) we had made the decision to accompany Lily to this sleepover of four 8 year old girls. Lily does not take sleepovers lightly; a trait that she shares with her mother. Not my idea of a great night, having her away. Some mothers can relate to this, others look at me with a funny look and perhaps a slight chuckle, "Really? She doesn't like sleepovers? And you don't either?" Yes, thats right, I do not relish the fact that my child is not in reaching distance. They are only little for such a small spark of time; I love that she wants me near, for I know those days are numbered. I am trying to cherish every moment.
Lily, our first baby, is turning 8 next month, and she is a sensitive soul whose creativity and imagination astound me at times. I couldn't be more proud of this little girl who marches to the beat of her own drummer and could care less about the latest trend, boys or doing what her friends do. A confident little girl who would rather be picked up at a sleepover at 10:30 then listen to her peers convincing argument to stay. She rationalizes with them, "But I will be back first thing in the morning for pancakes..." And yes, I will drive her back over so she gets to join in the a.m. fun. It works out for both of us in the end.
One of the greatest gifts of this weekend was reading. A book. Yes, I read a book. I have one chapter left and am dreading finishing it; please don't let it end. My dear friend here in Bozeman wrote a review for it in a blog for Montana parent magazine, (amazing, you should read her review) and then offered it to me to read for my short trip outta dodge. A lovely book, titled Bloom. The author, Kelle Hampton, went through an experience many of have not been through; her second baby was born with Down Syndrome and it was unknown until the moment of birth. She takes us through her journey of the event. Her pain is palpable from the first moment this child is born; a mother has so many thoughts and plans as that belly swells with life in her. Imagine if it was not as you planned for and thought over, obsessed over for 9+ months. I kept thinking and wondering, how would I have responded to this. Her honesty compelled me from the first page.
As she reflects on motherhood, I noticed throughout the book the joy and pure pleasure of the tiny moments in life she points out, over and over, and her positivity stopped me in my tracks...How lucky I am to have experienced these moments in my own life. How is it possible to let the negative get to us so much when the positive things trump it every time...
The happiness which overwelms me when I hear my children laughing, when I see their crazy bedheads in the morning struggling to wake up over a bowl of cheerios...My husband coming in the door and my children running to him with sheer pleasure and laughter...My sons amazing lisp, and how he resembles Linus from Charlie Brown when he talks, and how I love to watch them sleep next to eachother. Picking my daughter up from school and having her run to me, and James clutching her leg, kissing her head with such love. These moments occur often, daily even, where I am so fulfilled and content I could burst. If I can start reflecting on these moments more and stop worrying, stop stressing...This trip called life is so bloody short that we are on; imagine if we could all realize that daily and stop being so negative? Just relish it, all of it.... Its funny, its the small things that matter and the small things that you can't sweat.
My most memorable moment of this book is in a chapter titled Current. The author speaks of a trip she went on when she was 12; a trip to the west where she went white-water rafting down the Colorado river. She was scared, but determined to prove herself, and her guide gave her some advice: "If you fall out, whatever you do, don't fight the currrent. If you fight, you will drown. Don't waste your energy trying to swim, just relax and let go. Put your body in a yogalike position, curl your hands around your neck and then, let the current guide you. Someone will help you, (Let the current guide you, wow). The best chance you have of surviving is to let go and follow the flow of the current."
Follow the flow of the current. Do not fear, don't drown, enjoy the thrill, the ride, the crazy unpredictability of that river. Although you will get bashed by rocks on the way, and maybe you will come out bloody, bruised, even scarred... But let the rocks hit you. Let it happen. Understand that following that flow will be crazy and turbulent, uncomfortable and scary, but you will survive. You will live. And the experience changes you...
